Has it seriously been FIVE WHOLE DAYS since I last posted?

Well, that means we have a lot to talk about, my friends.

SO. Where have I been? What have I been doing? Someone fill me in, please.

I guess we'll start with this weekend. Saturday, I woke up filled with excitement, as my friends Ryan and Christie were coming in town from Houston. They never come in town, y'all, and plus, we were doing Christmas presents - FUN. They were scheduled to arrive at noon, and I woke up around noon thirty. Ack! Gah! Ohmyga! (Sorry, I must overuse that now, it makes me laugh.) I checked my phone, no phone calls from the girls, PHEW. They called around 1:30, and I danced around before answering the phone, just a little. "Hi!" Ryan said. Oh wait, it was actually Christie. I have a hard time telling them apart on the phone. "We're just leaving Houston now, we'll be there at 5!" Truthfully, I was still sitting around in my pajamas in a messy house with unwrapped presents, so I was actually relieved.

(Picture a montage of me picking up, vacuuming, doing dishes, clipping cat nails because Sasha and Stella must look their best for Dr. Christie, DVM, wrapping presents, watering plants, sweeping, showering (no, don't picture that, your eyes might fall out), and then laying on the couch watching my new favorite show ever, Arrested Development, HERE.)

Cut to 5:45 or so: Christie and Ryan arrive. (Do I always say Ryan and Christie? Is it ever Christie and Ryan? I am a middle child, you know, things must ALWAYS be fair.) They get the ten second tour of our postage stamp apartment. I open a bottle of wine - White Merlot, if you must know, which I first had at MJ and Bruce's house, and it is Fabulous - and then, yay, present-time. I gave Ryan and Christie their gifts, which included (but were not limited to) flaxseed pillows, both neck AND eye, one set each, made by my very own hands with the prettiest pink fabrics ever. Don't worry, if you know me well, I'm sure you'll be getting one of these from me at some point, and rightly so, since they are also Fabulous. (If I do say so myself.) (Also, did I switch to present tense in this paragraph, and if so, why? That's what happens when you forego the college degree, people, and get a degree in - wait for it - LIFE. My degree is in Life, what's yours in? MMM-hmm, that's right.)(Degrees in Life come with a minor in How to Overuse Parentheticals to Your Advantage; the specialization in Grammar is a Feeling! is optional, just in case you weren't aware. I have both, which is the equivalent of a double Masters. In LIFE.)

Where was I? Oh, yes - presents. Ryan and Christie (fair, fair, fair) got me 4,798 presents. I'm not even kidding. One of them, the piece de resistance (if I could do the accent marks, I would) was a beautiful pink jewelry box with two necklaces, both fabulous, a pair of earrings, and gift card to Lane Bryant with an obscene amount of credit on it. It was - awesome. Awesome, people. They were all, here's your most fabulous and super generous present! And I was all, Here, look what I made for you! But, anyway. Someday I will be rich, and then you will all come live with me on my ranch, and Oprah will come over for tea, and ask to borrow a ten-spot. And then we will all dance. And before we fall asleep, we will all heat up our flaxseed pillows, and then sleep the sleep of the Gods (and Goddesses) because the flaxseed pillows, they are Heaven (if I do say so, again, myself.)

After the joyous gift-giving was finished, I went back for another glass of wine, and noticed that both Christie and Ryan had drank (drunk? drinken? drinked? Masters in LIFE!) approximately one eighth total of their wine. Man, we know how to party. All I have to say about that is - I'm not the only one getting old, am I? We proceeded onward to Little Mexico, which you might have guessed is a mexican food restaurant, on South First. We ate inside, which is a first for me, since out of the 145 times I've eaten there it's always been on the patio. If you ever eat at Little Mexico, sit on the patio, and be sure to order Antonio's taco, because Antonio himself will probably take your order and then proceed to tell you all about the new recipe he's going to add to the menu soon, and then you will be his favorite. Do not, under ANY circumstances, ask if the chile rellenos are made in the restaurant fresh or if they are frozen. Antonio will laugh in your face.

After Little Mexico, we went to Toy Joy. There are lots of toys there. (Whew, I think I just got tired. Why on earth am I recounting every single thing we did? I'm going to stop doing that now. I am also going to stop switching tenses with no warning.) ANYHOW. Toy Joy. Fun. Much fun. More fun than you ever dreamed possible. End of weekend.

No, really. I wouldn't do that to you. Basically, we hung out, went shopping a lot, ate really good food, talked a lot about their upcoming wedding and what we're all going to wear, laughed a lot, and also Dr. Christie gave my cats physical exams at home for free, jealous much?

What am I leaving out? Oh, that's right - somewhere along the way I drank not one but TWO cups of expired egg nog. TWO. For future reference: expired egg nog does not smell expired, nor does it taste expired, especially if there is bourbon involved. But, I digress. I'm sure you don't want the details, and I think I can sum them up nicely for you: ZACHBRAFF, ohmyga ZACHBRAFF please ZACHBRAFF please no please no please, ZACHBRAAAAAAAAAAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

Ahem. It's a miracle I'm sitting here writing right now, Zachbraff.

That about sums up the weekend. As for the rest of the week: sleep, work, eat, stare at the ceiling, sleep, work, eat, click, sleep. I'm a rock star.

Missed you more!

Lucy loves you |