Second.

I can't stand those happy chirpy little email things, especially the ones that tell me to forward them. I'm superstitious and have less than five friends. Here's one I modified when I should have been doing better things, like meeting new friends:

> > Be Happy Right Now! (Drink a beer, snort a line of coke)
> > We convince ourselves that life will be better (It won't)
> > after we get married (God forbid)
> > have a baby
(God really forbid, like this world isn't already dangerously overcrowded)
> > get a new job (Job? God Forbid.)
> > and get a new house (House?)
> > Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough
What kids...mine or yours?)
> > And we'll be more content when they are (not my kids/your kids???)

> The truth is, there's no better time (than 2 a.m. on a Sunday morning, puking your guts out behind the daiquiri bar where you just drank a bunch of those neat colorful drinks)
> >to be happy than right now! If not now, when? (At 2:15 a.m. on a Sunday morning after you've finished puking up all those neat colorful drinks)
> > Your life will always be filled with challenges. (Here it comes ...like how to get all those neat colorful drinks that you just puked up out of your best friend's sweater that you borrowed to go to the daiquiri bar in the first place)
> > It's best to admit this to yourself (You shouldn't drink neat colorful drinks, whether you're wearing your best friends sweater or not, as a matter of a fact stay out of the bars all together, people are starting to talk.)
> > and decide to be happy anyway (Home, alone, at 2 a.m. on a Saturday night, because you don't go out to bars anymore, not even ones with neat colorful drinks.)

> > Treasure every moment that you have (because if you don't, someone else will)
> > and treasure it more because
(you're treasuring it first, before someone else does)
> > you shared it with someone special, (yourself, the only person you can think of that is truly deserving of your treasuring company)
> > Special enough to spend your time with (Yes, that's what I just said)
> > And remember that time waits for no one!
(Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana)

> > So stop waiting (Start drinking alone.)
> > ...until your car or home is paid off (Burn it.)
> > ...until you get a new car or a new job
(What part of "God Forbid" is confusing on this job thing?)
> > ...until you go back to school (Did I mention "God Forbid"?)
> > ...until you lose ten pounds (Check under the sofa.)
> > ...until you finish school (Drop out.)
> > ...until you get married (to your best friend's girl)
> > ...until you get a divorce (from your best friend's girl)
> > ...until you have kids (mine or yours?)
> > ...until your kids leave the house (for school or for good?)
> > ...until you retire (Nothing to say here.)
> > ...until summer (Fall)
> > ...until fall (Winter)
> > ...until winter (Spring)
> > ...until spring...summer, sunrise, sunset
(Out comes a man with a stick of bagels to dance the Hora...what the hell is a Hora...I mean is it treatable or did I just spell it wrong?)
> > ...until you die!
(I'm dead already ...on the inside.)

> > Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect (Yes, it does.)
> > It means you've decided to see (the Circus, but not the bearded lady...WOOF!)
> > beyond the imperfections
(Come on, it's a bearded LADY...What do you call the GREAT Flood, a little Spring Shower?!?!?)
> > There is no better time than right now to be happy (Drink!!!)
> > Choose to be happy TODAY! (Or if you're busy, tomorrow.)
> > Look the world right in the eyes and SMILE! (Surprise...Spinach!)
> > Make someone you know happy
(Get drunk, marry their girl, and "lose" their kids!)
> > Send them this uplifting message (Or NOT.)

Above all remember...we're all going to die, whether we like it or not, so accept it, save time and give up now.

- Tim Morrow
Warm-fuzzies-killer, Second-time-poster

Lucy loves you |