Just boring, that's all.

I spent a lot of last week working on a project, and that project only left after-work-time for cooking dinner and The Apprentice. My apologies.

I just racked my brain for something to write about. Politics? No, I'm naive and uniformed. Religion? No. Too personal, or something. Um. Uh. Yep. Just boring.

Oh, here's something. How about the books I bought at Barnes and Noble today? I'm a fan of the Bargain Books section, because even though I aspire to be an author one day, I'm too cheap to pay full price for books unless I really REALLY want them.

My bargain book scores for the day:

Portrait in Sepia by Isabel Allende (love, love, love her)

Healing the Soul of America: Reclaiming Our Voices as Spiritual Citizens by Marianne Williamson (you might think this is strange, but then perhaps you should consider reclaiming your voice as a spiritual citizen, no?)

The ESP Affair by Alison Tyler (it says "an erotic romance!" on the cover. Shut up. It was $1. I might need it to read on a plane sometime.)

Kabbalah: The Way of the Jewish Mystic by Perle Epstein (hey, if it's good enough for Madonna ... I should at least know what the heck it is, right?)

Flash 5: Virtual Classroom by Doug Sahlin (not another erotic romance, just a book to teach me how to do cool animations on la web page)

A Queer Eye for the Straight Guy 2004 Calendar that cost $1! I can't wait to give it to my friend Quis. (Ssssshhhh, don't tell.)

and finally .....

The Art of Mingling by Jeanne Martinet (Another $1 wonder.)

Okay, that last one deserves a little explanation, right? The Art of Mingling. How cheesy and self-help-y, right? Well, here's a little secret. Writers, they're not always such good minglers, okay? I personally suck at it. Room full of strangers? Pass the Paxil, and then the Jager.

Really, I am the worst at having nothing to say at those moments when I should have something, ANYTHING to say. I can't even fake a "nice weather we're having, huh?". I just can't. I will talk your ear off if I know you, but if we've just met? Please. I just met you! How should I know what to say?

(Sidenote to add: I blame some of this on my older sister. She has that effusive, bubbly, everyone-is-an-instant-best-friend quality that evades me so. She could make friends with .... with the Queens Royal Guards at Buckingham Palace. I swear. Everyone loves her. LOVES HER. If you know her, you know what I'm talking about, right?

I think that growing up I knew that I never had to open my mouth when I was with her, because she would work the whole room in an instant. Thanks, sis, now I'm socially disabled. Just kidding - smooches! End of Parenthetical.)

So, here's a taste of The Art of Mingling:

Practice these opening lines in a mirror, or just on a friend or loved one at home. Then the words will just flow naturally out of your mouth when you feel you need them for mingling.

"How's life treating you?"

"Am I interrupting something confidential?"

"So what was your day like today?"

"Hi. What's your connection to this thing?"

"Is there anyone here who is about to go on vacation or who just got back from one? I'd love to relax vicariously." (I must interrupt to say: That's terrible.)

"What's the password?" (Excuse me?)

"If you're who I think you are, I've just heard the most wonderful things about you!" (Um, hello? What if they want to know what you heard?)

"Excuse me, but my friend and I were having an argument about mingling, and she bet me that I couldn't walk up to you all and immediately join in. No, don't look at her! Please just smile - that's good - and talk to me so I can win." (Is that just a tad pathetic, or is it just me?)

"Hello! I don't know any of you, but I'm practicing my mingling tonight."

All right. That does it. If I ever say that last one in front of you at a party, you have permission to ignore me the rest of the night. I think I might have to chalk that $1 up to "research" and move on.

By the way, did you catch that Patriots game? Killer.

(See, I told you I suck.)

Lucy loves you |