Just rip my heart out and stomp it, fortheloveofgod.

Did you watch?

I know you did. You had to. Who in their right minds would miss the final episode of Sex and the City, and miss witnessing the end of an era? (Spoilers follow, and there's your warning.)

I started crying at 7 p.m., an hour before the actual last episode started. That's when the first "Farewell" episode aired. Even though I'm not a fan of TV shows about TV shows (especially when they pat themselves on the back and take credit for all of current pop culture in general), each time Sarah Jessica Parker or Kristin Davis would start to well up with tears, I would have to take deep breaths and blink really hard, mostly to no avail. I'm sure I've said it before, but again - I am not made of stone, y'all.

By the end of the second farewell episode, I had to have a little talk with myself:

"Okay, self. Breathe. Calm down. Just Calm Down."

"Self, you really need to get a grip here. You haven't even seen the final episode yet! What are you going to do when that's over, ride to the ER in an ambulance, clutching your heart and holding your numb right arm above your head?"

"SELF! I said calm down right now. This is only a TV show. IT IS ONLY A TV SHOW."

"Okay, one more cast photo and shot of SJP hugging people goodbye and I'll understand if you lose it again."

Finally, the actual final episode aired. For the first twenty minutes I was completely sucked into the adventures of Carrie & Co., almost forgetting that this was The Episode To End All Episodes. Then, around twenty minutes after the hour, I started to lose it a little. I think it was around the time that Steve turned to Miranda with that look, the scared and sad and helpless look, standing in his mother's deteriorating kitchen after realizing that she has suffered a mentally debilitating stroke. It was too much. My heart, she caved.

Then there was the long, beautiful sequence with Miranda searching desperately for her mother-in-law through the streets of Brooklyn, cut with scenes of Carrie's heart being broken in Paris. The French rap song in the background, whatever it was, was the most beautiful, perfect, rip-your-heart-out soundtrack for these scenes, ever ever ever.

Even though I knew that Miranda would find her mother-in-law, that Big would find Carrie, and that Charlotte would find a baby, I was still literally on the edge of the couch holding my breath between sniffles and tears, waiting to see what would happen. So, so, so well done. My heart hurts just thinking about it.

I guess I could be cynical and jaded about the fact that Big and Carrie end up together, because we all know that a man like Big traveling across the world to commit to a girl he's been taking advantage of six years is about as likely as Liza Minelli laying off the Kettle One. Whatever. I can't think of any other perfect ending, apart from Carrie skipping down the streets of The City alone, single and fabulous and happy, on her way to another date. For now I'm just content to believe that Big realized what he was missing and that Carrie got the man that she deserved.

The part with Miranda giving her mother-in-law a bath, and Magda looking in from the hallway? Cue the full-on Ugly Cry. Seriously. I think I scared my cats. My eyes still hurt.

As for Samantha, I still find Kim Catrall's version of the emotions "touched" and "serious" and "sad" to be unbelievable and forced and kind of hokey. I think it's that inflection she uses, her "take me seriously" voice. I just can't buy into it at all. I did think that Smith was perfect in every way, though - all throughout this season, really. He saved her storyline for me.

I love it that Charlotte ended up with a balding Jewish lawyer and the Mandarin baby that her ex-mother-in-law Bunny couldn't accept. I love it that Miranda ended up in Brooklyn living with a baby and a husband and her mother-in-law. I loved Carrie's dress in her final scene in front of her apartment, and the shot of Big leaning his head towards the towncar's window, that look in his eye. I loved the shot of the four ladies walking down the streets of the City for the final time.


And then... it was over, just like that. The End.

Have I ever mentioned how I hate goodbyes?

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