February has always been a strange, long month for me. Once the holidays have passed and the motivation of a new year begins to fade, February always seems a little... stuck.Time crawls each day and the weeks seem endless. I guess it's not just me, because
Dar Williams seems to
agree.
Maybe it's because I know, in the back of my head, that at the end of the month one more year of my life will be tucked away into that neat little filing cabinet in my brain. That's the file I'll refer to when I say "Oh yes, I moved back to Austin when I was... hold on, it's here somewhere... ah, yes, there it is. I moved back to Austin when I was 26."
Man. 26. 27. They seem so vastly different, right? No? C'mon now.
Back when I was 12, I thought I would surely be rich and famous by the time I was 22. Or at least married and barefoot, if you know what I'm saying. It's sad the way kids of my generation were tricked into thinking we had to have everything figured out by the time we completed our second decade on the earth. Now, as a seasoned almost-27 year old, I can tell you something with great certainty: I will not have this whole life thing figured out for a while. A long while. I'm talking 40, 45, 50. Maybe never, to be honest. One thing is for sure, though: As soon as I get to a point where I think I know what I'm talking about, I learn the VERY NEXT DAY that I don't. Don't have a clue. Seriously.
Man, my 12 year-old self would be so disappointed to know that. Can you imagine?
Well, hello, 12 year-old Lucy.
Wow, I like that haircut.
Just kidding, I don't. Mall bangs will be sooooo out by this time next year, so you should really start growing those out immediately. And please throw away that can of AquaNet, I can smell your hair from over here. Geez.
So. Listen, I know this is probably strange and boring for you, so let me just cut to the chase. I'm here to help you with your goals and expectations. You know what I'm talking about, L? Do you care what I'm talking about? Can you please turn off that NKOTB video for one minute so that I can look you in the eye?
Thank you.
12 year-old Lucy, I have a question for you.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
A zookeeper?
Oh.
Heh. That's, uh... well, that's very interesting. A zookeeper, huh? Wow, I'd forgotten all about that. You want to work with flamingoes and dolphins, do you? How nice.
SO.
Let's just move on.
Do you want a family and kids?
Of course, I'm sure you do. Oh, you already have their names picked out? How nice. Matthew, Madeline, and Lelaina. Yes. Beautiful, really. When do you plan on having these pretty little babies?
I see.
I see.
Mm-hmmmm.
Oh, really.
Oh, REALLY.
Okay, let me just be sure I have this straight. You want to have three children - a boy first, when you are 21, maybe 22 years old - but really that might be pushing it because you want to still be young and hip and the coolest mother around when your own kids are 12 - right? And then two years later you want to have a girl named Madeline, so that she has an older brother who isn't too much older but still old enough to where he can protect her in school, and then one a half years later you want to have a little girl named Lelaina, and she will be the baby of the family that everyone calls Lanie. Then you'll be 24 or 25, a zookeeper mother of three who lives in the Bahamas with her husband Jordan Knight, and you'll have a spacious two story house with a pool and a hot tub and a trash compacter. Right?
Mmmhmmm.
Or, you know, you could be 24 and hang out at the same bar with the same people every night, working part time, eating Ramen and Taco Bell, and living with your cat and your roommates' two Barky McBark Bark dogs.
That'd be cool, right?
Now, that's not to say that I regret the path that I've taken - because I don't, not one bit. Not only am I happy with where I am right now, I'm happy with how I got here. As Maya Angelou said, "I did then what I knew how to do. When you know better, you do better."
I was given certain gifts in life, and certain obstacles to overcome as well. It's taken me a while to learn certain lessons - about myself, about the people I choose to have in my life, about what I want to do with my strengths and how to work on my weaknesses. Maybe I haven't learned my lessons as fast as other people have, but hey - I'm doing this all in my own time, and that's cool. I'm doing what I know how to do, and working on the rest.
Point is, 12 year-old Lucy, that things will come up that may change this path for you, things you could never imagine at such a young age. You might decide that zookeeping is not for you. You might have trouble finding that perfect guy and stay in a complicated, dead-end relationship for much longer than you need to. You might get confused in college and realize that you are wasting money and time on something that you're not taking advantage of. You might be scared of certain things and avoid them without realizing it. You might be really, really happy one year and really, really sad the next. You might start drinking and partying and not know how to stop for a while. When you do stop, it may take you a couple of years to get your life back on track.
That's what no one is telling you, L. Before you can have the life you always wanted, you'll have to become the person who knows how to create that life. And then one day, maybe it will all make sense.
Unless, of course, you steal Paris Hilton's life. In that case, you can do whatever you want without actually having to work for anything.
Cool?
New musician obsession:
John Hiatt. How have I not been in love with John Hiatt's songs all my life? How did this train totally pass me by? I love the song "Window on the World"; I love the line "Could you stand a little closer, girl?" ...so sweet.
Lucy loves you |
